Simple Thoughts

Your hands hold mine,
Your lips touch my forehead,
And our eyes meet.
Time and time again,
The same scene is played -
You whisper my name,
And my breath catches...
But something is different today,
Today there's something more.
The concern in your eyes,
In your voice and your touch,
The memory of those three precious words
Spoken so softly last night
When we stood
And you kissed me under the stars,
They bring us close,
Closer than before,
And I want to be with you
For ever and ever....
Though I know you must leave,
I fear for you,
And I fear for us.
Do not forget me,
My love, my dear,
But do not think too much of me.
Know only that I love you,
And will pray for you each day,
Pray that someday
Far, far away,
God will bring you home...
Home with me to stay.

~ March 27, 2009 ~

You Love Me

You love me?
Truly, you do?
You said so,
And though my words wouldn't come,
I love you, too.
Under the stars
Of a fresh spring night,
You held me close,
You held me tight,
Your lips touched mine,
And all breathing ceased.
And the you leaned
Closer still,
And whispered those words
I've so longed to hear.
"I love you," you said.
Do you mean it, dear?
Do you truly love me?
My heart skipped a beat,
I couldn't speak...
There's a fire in my soul
That singes every word,
A light in your eyes
That blinds me to the world...
I love you, too,
My sweet darling,
I love you so.

~ March 27, 2009 ~

Pleas

I hate it when you leave.
My heart sinks to the ground,
And a frigid wind
Blows all around.
When I'm in your arms,
Heaven is within my grasp,
But when you leave me,
It is a thing of the past.
The melancholy moon
Casts shadows 'round me,
And the terror in my soul
Will not let me be.
I love you too much,
And I fear for the day
When you'll leave me forever,
Leave me here and go far away.
My soul is restless,
My heart beats with wild abandon;
God help me,
I can't seem to win!
With your arms around me,
I'm everything I was meant to be:
Beautiful, happy,
Childishly giddy.
But when you let go,
Words cannot describe
The pain I feel,
The fear I cannot hide.
You're just a block away,
So close and yet so far!
Close as spring's gentle breath,
Yet far as the northern star.
Come back to me!
Don't let me go!
Please, my darling, please, please,
Please! I love you,
And I miss you so!

~ March 24, 2009 ~

Emotion

My world is topsy-turvy,
Crazy and out of place.
It always gets this way,
But for once I wish it would stop!
I want to get off,
I never paid for this ride!
This emotional roller coaster
Just won't slow down,
It just won't stop!
I think I'm fine,
And then something hits,
Something strikes
And I can't hold back the flood.
My emotions take the reins,
And I can't control a thing.
You smile and blow a kiss,
And all is right.
But you're leaving,
And suddenly all is wrong.
What is wrong with me?
I see you in the hall,
And I smile and laugh...
Then something reminds me of them,
And all joy is crushed,
And the world turns black and cold.
I don't understand
Why it has to be like this...
And I don't understand
Why you put up with it.
But I know that you do,
And I pray you do not stop.
You are my rock,
Especially now,
And although jealous fear
Rages within,
The love I feel for you
Drives the fear away.
Perhaps I'm right.
Perhaps I'm wrong!
I don't know.
All I know is the crashing
And the wild rocking
Of the ship that is my mind.

~ March 24, 2009 ~

Love

Love waxes and wanes
Like the quarters of the moon.
It grows and fades,
And crashes like waves on the sand.
Love takes work,
Strength of heart and mind.
Love is not lust.
It is not the beauty of the body,
But the beauty of the soul
That draws one to another.
Why then
Do people insist
That love is none of these?
Don't listen to the world!
It will lead you astray!
Love does not last,
Says the world.
Love feels good for a time,
Then fades away
Like the shadows
After a bright, sunny day.
Love is a pit.
People fall in love,
And then "fall" out again.
What is love,
True, honest love?
Is it the thrill in my soul
When I know you are near?
The chills that course through me
When your finger brush my cheek?
Is it the fear I feel
When you're not there?
Is it this sweet, breathless anxiety
That has laid hold of me
And will not let go?
I think so, my dear,
But I do not know.
I'm so young,
So naive,
And this all seems right...
I can't help but wonder,
Might this be love?

~ March 23, 2009

Only Human

You are so near,
Yet so far away.
I hear your voice,
I hear your laughter,
I can see your smile...
But I'm not with you,
And you are not with me.
I'm so afraid
This will always be,
Our two worlds
Separated by something minute,
Something material...
A chair, a table, a street...
Or something greater...
Fears, anger, or jealousy.
I'm only human, my love,
'Though I long to seem more
In your precious mind.
I'm only human,
And I make mistakes.
I pray loving you
Does not become one of them.

~ March 18, 2009 ~

Touch

You kiss my forehead,
And you truly touch my heart.
When your lips meet mine,
You reach my soul - every part.
Without you here,
My heart aches...
When you're near,
My whole being quakes.
Your eyes meet mine,
And my world begins to spin;
Ev'ry glance touches me
Deep within.
What is this thing
That touches my heart like a peaceful dove?
Some say its less, others more...
I simply call it love.

~ March 17, 2009 ~

Close

Fire in your eyes,
Fire in your mouth,
Fire in your words,
Fire in your touch.
You crazy man,
You've set my heart ablaze!
I cannot see a thing
Through this fiery haze!
Your sweet words melt me
Like ice cream on a sunny day.
Your touch, it kills me,
When you kiss me this way.
The closeness of you,
The warmth of your touch...
I've missed you, I have,
Missed you so very, very much!
Your eyes sparkle,
They gleam just so,
Reaching through me,
Through each finger and toe.
I've never felt like this...
It seems a little odd...
You treat me like a princess,
And act like a god!
I cannot sleep now,
Your presence is too near,
Your voice in my head
Is making me shake, my dear.
This is so strange,
This feeling I feel.
Surely, oh surely,
This cannot be real.
I try to sleep now,
But think only of you -
I'll see you quite soon,
When the day becomes new.
Sweet dreams, my love,
Nothing sad or forlorn,
But sweet dreams may you have...
I'll kiss you again in the morn.

~ March 15, 2009 ~

Feelings

There is a sweetness
In your embrace
That words cannot describe.
There is a joy in your touch
That cannot be contained.
When you speak,
When you look at me,
When you tell me
What I'm worth,
Who I am to you,
I'm alight with a glow
That the sun must surely envy.
There's a bounce in my step,
A song on my lips
As I think of you,
As I think of us.
When you kiss me,
Cutting short my mindless babble,
My heart truly speeds
Through its paces.
You're so strong,
So able.
I love to be near you,
To feel your strength
And your power
Radiating through me,
Through your embrace.
You are my hero,
I don't care what you claim.
Knight in black
Or charming prince,
Ape or Mr. Wonderful,
You're amazing to me.
You're you,
And I'm yours,
And I'm loving
Every moment
I spend with you.

~ March 8, 2009 ~

Words

Words can say
A billion things,
But you can say even more
Without them.
You can say "I love you"
Just by being there,
Lending a hand
Or a shoulder to cry on.
You show me you care
When you must look away,
Although you long to be
Stoic and strong.
And when you wrap me
In your sweet, warm,
Herculean embrace,
The hallelujahs of the angels
Are silenced in comparison
To the pounding of my heart.
Yet I love your words, too,
For they are gentle and sweet.
They whisper,
"Be brave,"
And tell me not to think.
They reassure me
Of your strength,
And promise me
Worry is worthless.

Now, my love,
I look back over this
And I wonder
If these, too, are just words.
They are, I fear...
Words straight from my heart
That you ought to hold dear.

~ March 7, 2009 ~

Day By Day

Day by day
We all must live,
Day by day,
Never take, always give.
I don't care
If you break my heart;
Just for now,
Let me spend ev'ry part,
Every corner of my soul on you.
Let me love you as much
As a seventeen-year-old can do.
I won't grow too attached,
At least I'll try,
And if you must leave for good,
I'll simply say good-bye.
I'll weep a lot,
But on my own,
For I know I will never
Truly be alone.
Heaven help me
If you leave -
For many days
I'll surely grieve.
But year by year,
Day by day,
As time flies
Swiftly away,
Perhaps God will deign
To bring you back.
I'll lean on Him,
For only He can keep me on track.

~ March 2, 2009 ~

Pendulum

There are no words
Left to write,
No tears to cry.
Everything,
Everything kills,
And it always will.
The bleeding will stop,
The wound being to heal,
And something will twist
The sharp, painful knife.
Don't complain,
There are others
In far worse condition
Than you.
Be content
To be a dart board,
And a veritable see-saw,
A pendulum of emotion,
Swinging from happy
To sad
To happy again...
Happy....

~ February 3, 2009 ~

*This poem is metaphoric! Don't take it the wrong way!*

Mem'ries of Happiness

The moon shines through
Into the darkened room,
And her eyes light upon
A red-faced girl.
Tears stream down her face,
Falling more swiftly
Than she can brush them away.
She is trying to be calm,
But something has struck her,
And the weeping does not cease.
Her curls fly frizzily away from her face;
She doesn't notice them.
Memories of a happy past
Nip at her tauntingly;
Jealousy, fear, and rage
Bite at her heart.
Her head says one thing,
Her heart says another,
And she is caught between the two,
Pulled up and down like a yo-yo,
A marionette
On a very long string.
Why this change,
She wonders,
When just minutes ago
She was safe and happy
In the strong, warm embrace
Of the man of her dreams?
She doesn't know,
But she doesn't like it.
She feels threatened,
Afraid,
And can't help looking in ev'ry corner
For an intruder.
There are none, though,
Only her fearful,
Hateful, angry thoughts.
They plague her like a disease....

Should she tell him how she feels?
Or pretend all is well?
Lying isn't good,
But a little acting...?
After all,
He isn't the problem;
She's proud of him!
He's a good friend,
A good boyfriend,
A good brother and son.
No, she's the problem.
She's too emotional,
She simply can't let go
Of her family's past.
Her naivete angers her;
She could have saved herself
From so much pain,
But she was only a child.
She was so content
To play at fairy-tales,
To dream of handsome princes
Who would sweep her
Off her feet
And give her a happily ever after...
And her grandmother,
Who knew better,
Let her dream....

She blames her now.
If she hadn't believed,
She wouldn't have been hurt.
She would've known
Not everyone get
Happily ever afters.
She prays
She will someday have one,
But is afraid to believe again....

It wasn't about her,
And she knows this.
But it hurts,
Despite the years,
And she can't help
Wondering
Why....

~ February 2, 2009 ~

when you leave

when you leave
ev'ry fiber of my being
aches with an emptiness,
with a fear that cannot be measured.
i love you
with ev'ry bit of me
and life without you by my side
would be hell on earth.
but when you are with me,
everything i see and hear,
everything i feel and say
is right,
perfect,
and heaven is within my grasp.
i love you
and ev'ry moment i am with you
makes the other moments worthwhile.
i love you
and i can't help myself.
i feel stupid,
helpless,
afraid,
pretty,
beautiful,
confused...
and i wouldn't want it
any other way.

~ January 28, 2009 ~

A Snowy Night

She can see the moon and stars,
And bids them tell him good-night for her...
She sends them on their way,
That they may kiss his cheek as he sleeps,
While she cannot be there with him
As she so desperately longs to be.
A sweet song fills her heart and soul
As she thinks of her love,
So close and yet so far away.
She sees the pure white snow,
Lying peacefully on the ground.
It glints in the light of the gleaming moon,
As do the eyes of her beloved,
Veiling thoughts and feelings
That no one - not even she - can reach.
The lamplight in the street
Sends chills down her spine,
And she grins to think
That the same lights shine on him,
A mere block or so away.
The music in her ears
Makes her laugh,
It's so silly,
So ridiculous,
But ev'ry word and chord
Strikes something within her,
And her heart beats faster,
Her stomach flips and flops
Like a million ocean waves,
Watched over by the bright lamp
Of a lighthouse nearby.
Why lies she still,
Wide awake, unable to bring sleep
Near her tired frame?
She cannot stop thinking of him,
And wonders if he, too,
Lies awake and thinks of her.
Does he wonder,
As she does of him,
What it is about her
That fascinates him so?
Does she fascinate him?
He has captured her heart...
Now does he offer his in return?
She shivers for a moment.
It is cold outside,
Freezing, even.
And she wonders what it is
That makes this cold night bearable.
Is it the thought of seeing him
When the sun shines her brilliant rays
Upon the glittering carpet of diamonds
That lies upon the earth?
The dream of being near,
Hearing him whisper softly,
So quietly she can barely hear,
"You're beautiful," in her small ear?
Is this what wakens her
Upon this chilly winter's night?
She may never know.
She may feel,
She may dream,
She may grin
At the thought of him,
But she may never know
What it is that has
So captivated her.
All she knows
Is something has,
And she never wants it to leave.
Like the moon's ever-present light,
Like the glimmer of the snow-diamonds,
Like the promise of a warm sun
Upon the morn,
She knows that the love she carries
Deep within her breast
Will never cease,
Will never die.
It may wax and wane,
As do the quarters of the moon,
But it forever lie there,
Buried so deeply in her soul
That she will never be rid of it...
And never will she wish to be.

~ January 28, 2009 ~

Worry Not

I worry too much,
You often say,
I worry about everything,
About every day.
I fear for your health,
For your sanity,
You life should you
Truly join the army.
You're crazy to do
The things that you do -
Sleep outside in zero degrees,
And light things on fire - including you!
But I have confidence
You'll be okay,
No matter how much
I fret each day.
So I'll try to set
My mind at ease,
But, my darling,
Please, please, PLEASE,
Use your head,
Please be smart...
For losing you
Would break my heart.

~ January 21, 2009 ~

Rainfall

Rains falls gently
On a bed of pink roses.
The clouds above weep
Mournfully, fearfully,
Angrily.
The raindrops fall on the face
Of a beautiful woman,
Clothed in layers of blue.
She takes a perfect bloom
And holds it to her breast.
Her breath catches in her throat
As the wind whips her hair
Around her perfect face.
The clouds seem to frown,
Jealous of her glory.
The day turns swiftly cold,
And frozen is she,
Frozen in time,
Trapped forever
In a perfect cameo
Of elegant blue and white,
Upon which the rain
Gently, swiftly falls.

~ January 19, 2009 ~

My Story

As a little girl,
She thought of little more
Than love and romance,
Not realizing
How sadly disappointed she
Would someday come to be.
She sang sweet songs,
Planned her wedding,
And picked out baby names.
A few year passed,
And, 'though still a child,
Something was horribly awry.
Around the man
She cringed and sweated;
Her little soul
Hated to be near him.
More so, she trembled
With a very adult fear,
But didn't know why.
She never told a soul,
But suffered alone.
It wasn't her choice,
It wasn't her fault!
A few more years go by,
And, 'though only twelve,
The girl has had to grow up.
She still dreams of perfect love,
Of her darling Mr. Right,
But her world has crumbled,
And she is so afraid.
She swears never to wed,
To be an old maid,
That true love
Is simply a fairy-tale dream,
And fairy-tales are for babies....

Now, as she writes,
More years have passed.
Tears stream down her cheek
As her hand goes numb
From writing this poem.
She knows not all men are dumb,
That some have feelings,
But ev'ry fiber of her being
Is repulsed by a certain few
Who are nothing more
Than stains on her pure heart.
Yet she wonders,
Is she wrong?
Does she have the right to hate,
Or does she overreact?
The very sight
Of certain people
Takes her to a place
She never wanted to be.
She tries to be safe,
To dress modestly;
She can't figure out
If she would rather be pretty,
Beautiful,
Or ugly so they stay away.

She has a boyfriend -
He says she's pretty.
She doesn't dislike him at all!
He makes her life worthwhile.
But she is afraid, too.
She doesn't want to frighten him,
But she can't lie to him.
Her heart aches to think
He might not want her drama,
Might not want her fears.
But he tells her to be real....

The rain falls softly,
And the temperature drops.
Sidewalks are frozen,
Cars won't start,
The green of nature
Has turned brown and died.
She sympathizes...
The beauty is dead,
And a new world emerges
With each snowfall....

~ January 19, 2009 ~

Just A Thought

The girl sits and smiles;
She knows they mean well,
But hopes and prays
He doesn't see this as hell.
Her head knows what's smart,
But her heart knows only what it feels:
He is her glorious knight,
And ev'ry one of his kisses heals
Whatever might ail her.
Whether a knight of white or black,
She knows he would defend and protect,
Battling whatever might attack.
As her parents poke and prod,
She giggles a bit,
And prays to God
He doesn't think her a simple-minded twit.
She feels his arms around her,
And a shiver courses
Through her body,
Her heart pounding as hooves of a million horses.
He whispers in her ear,
And every word he says is bliss;
Then he leans down
And gives her a kiss.
She feels lost in a world
That she never wants to leave -
She loves every little thing,
Every quirk and pet peeve,
And she can't help but wonder
What is in store,
A great friendship or
(Please, God) something more....

~ January 19, 2009 ~

To See You Again

I tried to be wise,
To say you wouldn't come,
But my heart wouldn't stop hoping,
And I felt so dumb.
I didn't want to be stupid;
I thought you had things to do,
And would be at home;
I was so certain I knew!
But the instant I saw you,
My heart began to soar;
I was thrilled,
More so than ever before.
If you think about it,
It seems so silly,
We were only apart for two days!
But it felt like an eternity,
And when I saw you
And you held me tight,
I wanted to never let you go,
To hold on with all my might.
Only you, my love,
Can make me feel this way,
All tongue-tied,
With nothing good to say.
But the silence in your arms
Is worth a trillion words,
Worth more to me
Than ever a princess was to king or lord.

~ January 17, 2009 ~

Dr. Dettweiler

Stories of your life
Make our music leap from the page.
You are an amazing conductor,
A true musical sage.
We thank you
For teaching us to sing,
To feel,
To do that musical "thing."
We won't forget what you've taught,
Your words and spirit stay with us now;
You taught us music,
And how!
Thank you, Dr. Dettweiler,
For spending time with us,
For conducting our festival,
And placing the music in us.
We thank you, from the bottom of our hearts,
For helping us sing
Even the hardest parts!

~ January 17, 2009 ~

Districts #3

Ev'ry little thing that happens here
Makes me think of you.
Ev'ry word that's spoken,
Ev'ry joke that's told
Makes me wish you were here with me.
My whole body aches
At the thought of the distance
That so cruelly separates us.
I never thought
I would feel this way about anyone,
But I do,
And it's the most wonderful, painful thing
I've ever felt.
The thought of your embrace
Is both heaven and hell,
For in your arms I find
The sweetest solace known to man.
Yet hell it is,
Because the glory I desire,
The solace I so crave
Can only be found where you are.
You are not here,
And it's killing me, I swear.
I love you so much more
Than you will ever know,
And the sweetest music is flat
When I don't have you
Near to me.

Districts #2

I'm lying in a strange bed,
In a strange house,
And the sound of your voice is in my head.
Music is all around,
And lots of friendly people
To keep me nailed to the ground,
But reality has no meaning
If you're not here,
If I can't see your gray eyes gleaming,
Sending a wink my way
That gives me chills
And makes my day.
I never thought saying good-bye
Would make me so sad
That I could not cry,
But when I got off the phone,
The only thing I wanted
Was to be home,
Safe in your arms,
Hearing your heart beat,
Trapped by your charms.
The slightest thought of you,
And I can barely sing.
You've become my reason to do what I do.

This poem seems so dull,
But without you here,
The words don't come at all.
I miss you more than I dreamed,
I can't get you out of my head,
I love you more than I ever schemed.
Saturday cannot come too quickly,
I can't wait to see you,
To be together again, you and me,
And 'though the words won't come
For me at all,
The love in my heart is a song unsung,
And on a piano that will not break,
Someday you'll play
The precious song that makes my heart ache.
I love you.

~ January 15, 2009 ~

Districts #1

Isn't it funny
That music is my life,
Yet in a world the should be perfect to me,
I find myself sad.
The thought of you
Brings me to my knees,
And there's nothing I can do
To remove you from my dreams.
I'm having fun,
But part of me can't wait
Until this is done,
And I can be with you again.
Every little thing reminds me
That I'm alone;
All around I see
Reminders that I'm not with you.
I'll read your words again and again,
And count the seconds
Until that moment when
I'll be with you, my precious love.

~ January 14, 2009 ~

Mon Reve

J'ai un reve,
Une reve de vous.
Dans mon reve,
Tu adores moi
Et aussi,
Je t'adore.
Mais, je sais
C'est seule un reve.
Tu es beau,
Fort comme un lion,
Mais te es dulce aussi,
Comme use fleur parfait.
J'aime ton vis,
Et ton coeur aussi.

Mais, mon amour,
Je sais je reve.
Dans mon reve,
Je suis heureux,
J'ai vous pour beaucoup de l'ans.

J'adore, mon ami,
Et je ne regrette pas.
Tu es mon coeur,
Si tu desire,
Mon amour dulce....

~ January 13, 2009 ~

You Are

You are to me
Like the refreshing breeze
Blowing from the cool sea.
You are a light
That guides me through my days
And brightens the darkest night.
You are my lucky star,
And what I love most
Is who you are.
My every dream is of you,
And the joy I've found
I've found in none but you.
I love you, my sweet,
And I cry when we part,
And then count seconds 'til again we meet.
You are the air I breathe,
Without you, I'd surely die.
You're in every tale I weave,
My brave white knight
(Or sometimes my prince in black,
As prefer that you might.)
I love you so,
And wish I'd not despised you;
For many years I did not know
The precious jewel,
The wonderful person
I now know is you.

~ January 12, 2009 ~

Family Get-Togethers

The little ones play,
While the adults talk and laugh,
But in the car I'll stay.
I fear if I go in,
He'll see me,
Because I can't seem to win.
One more year
Is my comfort...
Soon I'll be out of here.
I'll go far, far away
And only come back
For maybe a day,
So he doesn't have time
To seek me out
And poison my mind.

I dressed well today,
I'm covered from head to toe
In shades of black and gray.
But he can undress me easily
And he sees in his mind
What, underneath, I must surely must be.

I know they all think
I'm horribly selfish,
Staying here while they eat and drink,
But I've tears to cry,
Wishes to make,
Prayers for him to die....

I love my little kids so much...
It's not yet to the point
Where poor Brittney cringes at his touch.
I pray the day never comes
When she, rather than see him,
Would prefer to hang
From the nearest tree,
As I, myself,
So often wish to be.

~ January 4, 2009 ~

Questions

Confusion whirls around
In my mind.
I don't know what to say or do
When your words are so fine.
They mess with my head
And with my heart, too.
I don't understand why
I'm so attached to you.
I half wish I wasn't
Such a dumb little twit,
Wanting to be forever
Attached at the hip.
You want to be free,
But at the same time you see
There is something there
Between you and me.
What the hell are you doing
To this heart of mine?
Everything contradicts,
Being both cruel and fine.
What have I done
To you and me?
You do your best to assure me
I will someday live happily,
Yet you balk and turn
At the thought of forever,
Saying we'll change,
The relationship will sever,
And I'm trying to decide
Where this is going,
How much I should trust,
If I should keep loving.
But every time we touch,
Every time you speak,
Every time you glance at me,
My knees grow weak.
You seem to want more
And yet so much less
Than what I want,
'Though I'll confess
You've been a gentleman so far,
Taking care to be good
And not trample my heart.

We're so young,
This I know,
But everything you do
Makes my heart go,
And I don't know how
To make it stop.
I swear if I lost you,
I would drop
To my knees
So I could beg God
To take me away,
To bury me under fresh sod.
But then I think,
"You foolish child!
Get off your butt!
Be merry, be wild!"
Surely there's more to life
Than everlasting love,
More that the sweetness of angels
Smiling on us from heaven above.
But I'm happier now
Than ever I've been,
And I don't want it to end,
But I can't seem to win.

God, tell me, please!
What is your plan for me?
Does it include this sweet romance
That is reaching out to me?

~ March 2, 2009 ~

A Little Something

Ev'ry time I go back,
And read the words you wrote,
I feel there's nothing I lack.
I don't know what you see,
What you think is beautiful,
What is captivating about me.
But when I'm near you,
I feel glorious,
And there's nothing I'd rather be or do
Than talk and laugh
With you, my love,
And I feel so daft,
And I love ev'ry minute of it.
I love your smile,
I love your wit,
And I love that you make me feel
Like I am worth something...
Worth something for real.

~ January 3, 2009 ~