A poem written after a walk of my own in a gorgeous but frightnening grave yard. Thanks to my bro for the help with the goofy words!
Blustering winds blow
Through skeletal trees
The sound they make
That of the dead
Moaning in a hell
Of their own making.
She walks through a graveyard
And the stones cast bleak shadows
Across the nearly frozen ground
And the brown, dead grass.
The gray of the stones...
Dreary and frightening.
What is this place?
What is this world?
Where people are worth no more
Than a hole in the ground
And a rock above their heads?
Does something more live on?
The girl wonders as she passes
But the field is silent
Eerily quiet
And the only sounds are those
Of the dreadful wind echoing
Through her head.
The leaves crunch beneath her feet
And fingers of the skeletons around her
Crack beneath her weight,
Though she weighs so little.
The wind from beyond
Could easily carry her within its grasp.
She struggles against the gale
Thinking not to turn back
She determines to finish her trek
If it kills her...
Little does she know
The dreadful night just may.
As she struggles on
The winds grow stronger
And leaves sweep all about her.
Her tiny frame is caught in the whirlwind,
And so blinded is she by the frozen rain that begins to fall
That she can see not.
Thus is the struggle
She faces as she presses on.
And in her heart of hearts
She knows that she will never
See the true light of day
Ever again...
Her tiny foot is caught in a hollow,
And she falls slowly, slowly,
To the ground.
It catches her within its eternal grasp
And a fresh grave reaches up to her
As she tumbles down.
The night is suddenly soundless
And the wind howls no more.
The leaves are still
The harsh sleet turns gently
To a pure white snow
Like powder on the ground.
It covers her with its freezing warmth
And as it does so
Her lips pale
Her breathing slows
And the white night
Turns ever so slowly...
To deepest black.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
The Eternal Trek
A First Kiss
Dedicated to a certain darling someone.
I'm not quite sure
Exactly what to say
To let you know the way I feel.
I want you to know
How you've changed my life
How you've altered my world,
But I don't know
Quite how to say
That my heart pounds
When you are near
Yet it stills
And I am at peace.
How do I say
That when you touched me
My whole world
Suddenly blazed.
My skin tingled
And my breath caught
As though your touch
Might truly kill me.
And yet I smiled,
And I was happy
Happier than I've ever been.
And when you kissed me
As though nothing more mattered,
I was pretty
I was special
Summer and winter
Convened as one,
Glorious under the lamplight
Of a cool autumn night.
The world sleeps.
All but two...
And we who rest not
Have a very good reason.
We are together
And such is the only
Reason we need
Or desire.
Your arms hold me close
And I can feel your heartbeat
As surely you can mine.
And as I stand very tall,
And my lips brush your cheek,
I feel alive
Yet I can't breathe
And the moon comes out
And you kiss me back.
Heaven and hell have met in this embrace.
And I know, somehow,
My life,
My joy,
My dreams...
Will never be the same.
~ 10/21/08
I felt something there
For quite some time,
But refused to admit
I might be in love.
I had been hurt
And I was determined
Yet when you took my hand
When you held me close
When your lips touched my cheek,
Something burst into a flame
Roaring through the night.
Your touch,
So gentle,
So passionate
Sent shivers down my spine.
And turned my world upside-down.
I wanted to laugh,
I wanted to cry,
But more than anything,
I wanted your warm arms
To wrap me in their soft embrace
And never let me go.
My darling,
Please,
Never let me go.
~ 10/19/08
In Memorium
*I don't remember when this was written... I believe it was sometime in April last year. Musical... sigh.*
The moon hides herself away
Waves crash on the shore
We've wasted another day
Wishing to live once more.
Our hearts cry out
We want to die
All of the doubt
Makes my soul cry.
Where have I gone wrong?
Loved ones so dear
Now are gone,
No longer near....
Hearts are wenched away
Pain is etched inside.
Sadly it is here to stay...
There is nowhere to hide.
Love is lost
Hearts are broken
I must count this cost
My destiny has spoken.
Dreams waver and flee
Far, far away...
Torture overcomes glee
As darkness does the glorious day.
Oh, that I were a bird,
A snowy-white dove,
That perhaps my cried would be heard,
By you, oh you, my love.
A path of jewels
Leads to you...
And I, such a fool,
Followed it through.
Through the dark,
Happily singing,
I was as a lark,
Free as a bell ringing.
But alas, dreams are dreams
And the next merely leads to the next
And they tend to lose their gleam
As does an oft-read text.
I know my dreams cannot be
And wishes are for mere children,
But I hope someday you look back and see
That you were really meant for me.
Dedicated to... well, to all of them. That gay bastard who broke my heart, the aunt who ruined my life, the uncle who crashed my last connection and turned my heart to stone... I love you all, and I desperately wish I could hate you instead.
Why?
Why is she so tall
Why is she so thing
Why is he so hott...
Why am I so not?
Why am I so short
So homely
So pathetic
So "uncool?"
Why can she sing so well?
She has a boyfriend...
Why don't I?
I don't even have an admirer!
Why am I so different?
I don't feel special
I don't feel pretty,
I'm a freak!
You say you love me
But you gave me this body.
You say you care
But you made me...
Me.
Why, God?
Why?
~ Written September 27th, 2006
I'm Just A Girl
I'm just a girl
Dreaming of romance
I'm just a girl
Longing to dance
With my handsome prince
Who doesn't exist...
I'm just a girl.
Girls have imaginations
Things only they can see
Girls have someone special
I want someone special
Belonging just to me.
I'm just a girl
Longing to be loved
By a king.
He'd say...
"You're pretty
You're lovely
Be mine.
Be my right-hand man
Be my horse-sense
Be the one who leads me
Where I need to be."
I'd say, "Alright
I'll be your hand
Your sense
Your guide..."
But no,
I'm just a girl
And girls can't have kings.
~ Written September 18th, 2006
Waiting
Lost and alone
Nervous and afraid
A young girl weeps.
So much has changed
Everything is so different
She knows better
Than to harm herself
She's been down tht road
It came to a dead end.
But she doesn't know
Where to turn
Who to trust.
She would never again
See death as an escape
She knows full well
That was a big mistake.
But she isn't sure
Where she's going
From here.
She was certain
She was healing
That everything was okay
But now it's not
Her world
Has turned upside-down
Someone she loves
Is again in pain
Someone she missed badly
She may never see again
And she doesn't understand
Why it's happening again.
She feels like
She can't tell anyone
She can't trust anyone
She is scared,
Very scared.
She's not ready
She's crying out again
"Why?
God, what have you done?
Why have you done it?
A god of love
Is loving
He shouldn't case pain.
So, God,
How could you do this
To me?
How?
Why?
Why?"
The girl
Doesn't know
What to say
What to think
How to respond.
A response
Would be amazing
A positive response -
A miracle.
So she's putting down her pen
Not giving up
Just waiting
Waiting for an answer
For anything
Anything at all...
Anything....
*Written after learning that yet another cousin might have cancer.*
Wonder of Wonders
*This was written for a guy that I was obsessed with my freshman year of high school. I laugh, looking back at myself...*
I thought for sure
Our love was dead
Or rather
Never there to begin with.
I was so afraid
So unsure
We hadn't spoken for so long
I had ignored you
My heart grew cold
As far as you could tell.
I was just angry
Hurt and upset.
But I gazed at you in choir
Kissed your picture good-night
Cried myself to sleep at night
Thinking of you
Remembering you
Wishing you were there with me.
But living on my own was no fun.
I had no reason to be happy.
Nothing to look forward to.
As I passed you every day
I found that still
You made my heart pound
You looked less happy
I liked to think you're upset
Because you miss me
Even though I know that's not true.
Then suddenly
I've had enough
I miss you too much
To keep being pigheaded,
Stubborn,
So I muster up my courage
A I pass your locker
I see you standing there
My heart pounds...
But I do it.
A simple word
Just hello.
A smile lights up your face
A conversation ensues
And in that instant
Everything is right
All I need
I suddenly have.
The world could spin forever
As long as you and I
Could be together
For just as long.
I am now content
I love you
And since we spoke
You seem happy
You laugh more
You smile more
And, just for now
I'll let myself imagine
You're happy
Because of me.
Of Death and Dying
"Telegram for Madame Elizabeth Eli," the boy piped. I smiled as I took the message from him.
"Won't you come in, my child?"
"No, thank you, Madame. I must hurry home this evening."
"Very well," I said to the adorable blonde child at my door. "Wait just one moment, I'll fetch you something for the journey."
I hurried to the kitchen and sliced a fresh apple pie. Grabbing a cloth napkin, I wrapped a slice and returned to the main hall. "Here, don't make yourself ill." A toothless smile lit up his drawn face as he turned to leave. "Wait!" I cried. I laid two coins in his hand.
"Gee, thanks, mum!" he exclaimed, eyes sparkling brightly. I grinned and took my telegram to the parlor to read it. The message took my breath away, and quickly turned my smile upside down. Husband and baby dead [stop] Do not return [stop] Fever rages [stop]
"NO!" I shrieked, tears quickly filling my eyes and overflowing. I dropped to my knees, feeling as though my heart had been torn from within my breast. The telegram fluttered to the ground as I sobbed and wrenched my clothes in twain.
"Madame!" Ellen gasped from the doorway The servant rushed into the room. "Madame, cease!"
I ignored her. "No!" I screamed. Ellen quickly took charge, shaking me to calm me. I struggled to free myself from her grasp, but to no avail. She crushed me to her ample bosom.
"Madame, you must cease this torment! What has happened?" She searched the room with her penetrating brown eyes. Her gaze fell upon the sheet of paper which lay beside us. I quivered as she brought it near.
"Oh, Mistress Elizabeth," she crooned, when she had read it. She again pulled me close, and stroked my auburn hair. My breath came hard and fast, as I tried desperately to calm myself. We sat there for the better part of an hour, then she took me to my chambers where I cried myself to sleep.
"Elizabeth," a voice boomed in the darkness of my mind. "Elizabeth!" I stirred in my bed. A knock pounded at my door. The final cobwebs of sleep shook from my mind as I sprang from my bed.
"Phillip?" I whispered. It was his voice I heard, the gruff, raspy voice of my deceased husband.
"Elizabeth!" The cry was so violent it shook the windows. I quickly threw on my robe of purest white silk and hurriedly unbarred the door. A gurgling came from the end of the hall. Thud, thud, gurgle, gurgle. Was it my own heart pounding, my stomach churning? Or... no, wait! Another sound joined them now... clank, clank, clank! came the unmistakable sound of a heavy chain being dragged across the wooden floorboards.
Did I dare cry out? I took a deep breath and willed my heart to beat at its usual pace. "Only a dream," I said out loud to no one. Supposing my nightmare out of the way, I turned to again assume the state of glorious sleep. I laid down, barely awake, when my anxious ears picked up the steadily growing wail of a hungry babe.
"Christine!" I gasped. I rose again, my heart now beating so hard against my ribs that I could barely breathe. For, as though to mask the baby's cry, came the gentle swish of fabric, followed by the original thud, thud, thud, gurgle, gurgle, clank. The fear in me made me begin to run the other way, but me mother's heart forced me to stop and go to my child.
I searched the room frantically, looking for my daughter. "Christine! Christine Galiana! Mother is coming!" There was no reply. The call ended as abruptly as it had began. I slumped in the wooden rocker, my mind clearing more with every tear that escaped my dark lashes. Christine was gone with Phillip. I would never see either of them again.
"Elizabeth," it came again, this time in the whisper of a summer breeze. I froze, all of my wits gone and replaced with terror. The sounds that I thought had ceased came nearer now, nearer, nearer. Still frozen, I clasped my hands in prayer. Thud, thud, thud, gurgle, gurgle, clank, swish, swish. Closer, closer, now as near as my own pounding heart.
I shrieked, and the noise seemed to stop. At the same time, an ice-cold hand touched my shoulder. Glancing out of the corner of my eye, I beheld a bony, white, jagged arm, frozen as with death.
"Elizabeth."
I turned, the blood surging through my veins like a locomotive. Utter blackness met me, unending darkness. I slowly raised my eyes farther, farther, until a blinding white light found my face, pounding from the hood of the dusky cloak. Staring into the light, I saw my husband holding my daughter. He beckoned silently.
"Phillip!" Whether I cried aloud or in my head I will never know. I stepped closer, closer. He embraced me, and all went black... forever.
Happy Forever After
*This short story was written in 7th grade based upon a Renaissance artwork. I'm still actually rather proud of it!*
It was dusk. The crickets were singing merrily, and the breeze was dancing to the summer night's music. My sister was playing along on her mandolin, her husband Ben sitting at the desk managing the Dourside taxes. I sat at my needlework, penetrating not only the tough fabric but my finger as well, when there came a knock at the door.
Lyssa ceased her music and answered the door. “Yes, My Lord?”
“My Lady Lyssa, I'm requesting an audience with the Lady Elyzibeth, if I may?” My breath caught in my throat. Phillip. My heart began to beat faster as he strode through the door. His dark hair gleamed, and his face shone with such... I don't know... love, and romance, and daring! The thought of the Earl of Devenport made my usually pale face blush a bright crimson.
Lyssa curtsied and closed the door to create a direct path towards me. Phillip stepped closer and made a low bow. I extended my hand to him.
“My Lord, what an unexpected yet much wished for visit,” I murmured, afraid that if I breathed he would be gone as if in a dream.
“Elyzibeth, I feel it is time to shed a little light on our relationship,” he glanced at Lyssa, then at Ben, who was watching us out of the corner of his eye.
“My Betha, you and I have been seeing each other for a long time and I now feel the moment is right. Lyzzi, will you consent to forever being the Lady Elyzibeth of Devenport, and residing there as... my bride?” Lyssa and Ben darted a quick glance at each other, then looked back at me. I looked away from Phillip's mirthful blue eyes, feeling my own joyous laughter bubbling up inside of me.
I turned back to him, and with all the dignity I could muster, replied, “Yes!” before falling happily into his arms.
I looked up, dazed, expecting to see Phillip's shining eyes gazing down on me. However, all I saw were the staring eyes of the overseer, dark and brooding like the ocean during a storm.
I fell to my knees, fearing for my life. The overseers did not understand my sudden flashbacks, and neither did my master or his mistress.
“I'm sorry, sir, I did not mean to!” I cried, groveling before the foreboding man. “It will not happen again, I swear it!”
“That's what you said before,” his voice sent chills down my spine. “Why should I believe you anymore this time than I did the last?”
Trembling, I replied, “I swear it will not happen!”
“I'll see to it that it doesn't.” The shadow of his arm raising the whip to strike me crossed the sun, and the deafening noise of the whip startled me into tears.
“No, please!” I cried. Craaak, went the whip. The leather tore through my clothes, ripping at my flesh. I screamed, which only enticed the overseer to hit me harder. I was given twenty lashes, at which point he turned and walked away. I stood, blood streaming down my back as my friends rushed to help me.
“Chile, what's wrong with you?” old Sadie muttered as I staggered toward our shack.
“I don't... don't know,” I wept. My back ached as Sadie's spindly old hands tended my wounds. I reached for her arm, gazing into her ebony eyes. “One day,” I said, “One day I'm going to be free again. When Phillip comes for me, I going to set you free too, you understand? We'll all be free, as God intended us to be.”
“Lawdy, Chile, how you think you gonna do that?”
“I know exactly how, Sadie.” I winced as I laid myself down on the bed again.
“Yes, ma'am, girl. You know how's you gonna be getting' freed, you come back n' free me, too.”
We fell silent, her chocolaty arms comforting me, telling me I could succeed.
I went to bed that night, scared of what was going to happen to me. Would Phillip come for me like I thought? If he did, would the master sell me to him? Or would my fiance have to use force or his title to bribe my captor? The questions continued unanswered as I dozed of and began to dream.
The man crept into my room through the window, while I slept unaware. I awoke to find a sweaty handkerchief in my mouth . I tried to scream but could not. I was trapped. I saw the hand grab me and felt myself being slammed against the wall. Then everything went black. The next thing I knew I was in the hold of a ship with two hundred moaning Africans. The wailing was too much. I shrieked, but the sound was muffled by a large white hand. My captor was old Henry Darnsworthy, the man who Ben replaced as Lord of Dourside. He whispered, “First the lady. Then her husband,” and cackled wickedly. He had obviously mistaken me for my sister, who, judging by the number of Africans I was surrounded by in the hold of a ship, would be sailing for a slave market in the New World.
I awoke sweating. I hadn't dreamed of my capture in months! What was going on with me? I gradually fell back to sleep, but it was not the peaceful rest that I needed.
The next morning one of the household slaves came to me with the astounding news: there was a white man, “Like you Lyzzi!” Essie reported, amazed, who was signing the papers to purchase me at that very moment! My heart immediately sang out my beloved's name, and I leapt from the bed despite my injuries. I went as quickly as I could to the master's house, running to his study. I forgot to knock (something that is fatal to forget) and rushed right into the burly man who turned to grasp my arms. I shrank back. This wasn't Phillip! What cruel trick had been played on me?
“Come on,” the gruff voice commanded.
I gulped. “Yes, master,” I replied weakly as I lowered my head and backed out of the room.
We left immediately after I gathered my few belongings and said good bye to my friends. He can't be too bad, I thought, if he lets me tell my second family good bye.
“I won't forget you,” I whispered to Sadie as we embraced, tears in our eyes. I would've said more, but I was whisked away into my new owner's carriage.
Imagine my surprise when we drove to the shore where a boat waited to return us to Europe. We boarded and spent many days traveling across the sea, but I spoke not to the man who had taken away my second chance at freedom.
We landed on the British shore where yet another carriage waited to transport my captor and I to, I was sure, his castle.
I was paying little attention when the horses stopped at Devenport on the Scottish border. Lord Edward (as I learned was the man's name) led me to exquisite rooms fit only for a person of my former title, not a slave. I was treated like royalty then left to spend the night alone with a bodyguard (for a slave? I thought) next door.
The morn of the next day I was greeted by a chambermaid bearing a gown of sea green and ivory. I allowed her to dress me in it for the breakfast meal with the Earl of Devenport.
I was seated by a page in vermilion and sapphire livery. Lost in my own world, I did not notice when everyone else stood and the Earl entered. He crossed to where I was seated and kissed my gloved hand. Startled out of my daze, I looked down on the strong face and azure eyes of Phillip James Eli, Earl of Devenport, who raised me up and kissed me sweetly, at which point I promptly blushed a bright red.
“Lyzzi,” he said, “Do you still want me?”
“Yes!” I breathed. “With all of my being!”
“Then let us proceed to Dourside where we shall be wed as soon as you wish, my lady.”
I didn't speak. I simply threw my arms around him and kissed him again.
Thus, what began as pure bliss turned into tragedy, yet was worked out for the good of all. Yes, I remembered dear Sadie and the rest of the slaves. When the owner of Jacobson Plantation died shortly after Phillip and I were married, my darling husband bought the place and freed all the slaves, giving it to his sister and brother-in-law; Lord Edward and his wife Lady Katherine (he's forgiven me for my treatment of him on the journey, and I'm quite glad).
So Lyssa, Ben, Edward, Katherine, Phillip and I all lived happily forever after, along with my freed family.
