My Boyfriend

A day spent in song
Seemed to move your heart along.
You finally started to see
What has become of you and me.
The look in your eyes
Is one I shall prize
Until mine eyes shall see
The glory of eternity.
"Will you come join me
And make this 'we'?"
You asked as you smiled
At this lonely child.
A sweet moment it was
Just between us.
My "yes" I pray was clear,
Whispered softly in my ear.
And as I looked upon your face,
My girly heart began to race.
This moment I though would never come
Finally has, and look what it's done.
I am yours and you are mine
Proclaimed through hands and hearts intertwined
And though you kissed me not, my dear,
I still feel tonight that you are near.
I hear your music in my head
As I lay down in my warm bed,
And think of you,
And how very few
Times I've been so lost and found
My head's in the clouds, my feet on the ground.
Only you can make me feel
The way I feel when you are near.

A First Real Kiss

The rain pounds,

Outside the world is grey,

But in my little room,

The thing I see is yesterday.

Above the peaceful town

The moon waned

The streets were still

As we stood before church with windows stained.

The angels above

Seemed to smile upon us

As though they knew your secret,

And felt it was just.

And as I stood,

My heart dancing,

Stomach filled

With butterflies a-prancing,

Your hand touched my face,

And shivers went down my spine

I clung close to you

As though you were mine.

We laughed and talked

Smiled and sighed

And I truly felt

Surely I'd died!

For could heaven be

More lovely than this?

Wondered I,

For to me, this was bliss.

In your arms

I found a love,

A perfect match

That fit me like a glove.

We are indeed

As perfect as couple can be.

Together we are right

Us - just you and me.

I never suspected,

I never would've known

What you would soon do,

Your feelings for me aptly shown.

Thus, as your lips met mine,

My pulse raced

(Although I'd claimed

There was no haste),

I found in your embrace

A kind of glory,

A kind of pain,

Such that was almost holy.

It was brief

But it was good

And it fit us

Very, very well.

And as we stood

In each others' arms,

I'd fallen completely

For your charms.

Nothing felt more right,

Like a poem all in rhyme

Than to be kissed

For the first time.

And not just kissed,

But kissed by you

A man I, a year ago,

Barely knew.

Now the memory of your touch,

The sound of your voice

Has truly made me certain.

I have made my choice.

My battle is won

The fighting now is done.

You are the only one

Who makes me feel undone.

And I am thine,

You've but to ask,

And the loneliness we've felt

Can be a thing of the past.

Please, my darling,

Speak your mind

And speak it fast.

I've found all I needed to find.

And I am more than ready,

My dear,

To have you forever,

My love, to hold you near.

~ October 25, 2008 ~

My Battle

There is a battle that wages

In ev'ry mind and ev'ry heart

Between that which is right

And that which is smart.

We can't help but fight

The things that we know,

Nor do we mind

The love that we grow.

In ev'ry mind, however, there is

A tiny little voice

That never stays silent

When we make a choice.

We often ignore

This voice that we hear -

Avoid it because

Of what we so fear.

Many people live

By three words alone.

"C'est la vie" are the words

That we often moan.

But "that is life"

Is so simple it cannot be true

There must be - there MUST be

More there for me and for you.

What more can there be?

We silently say

As we wait, unobserved

By the sidelines we pray.

Our life this is

And a life adored

Here on this earth

We could never be bored.

But there is something more

That we never may see,

Something very special

For you and for me.

The look in your eyes

As we slowly walk

Says more is there

Than just idle talk.

What could it be?

We leave it to God

But pray that he planned

For us all along.

Who are we?

Just two souls

Who happened to meet,

Oblivious of our different roles.

Our lives could change

And we'd never recognize

The spark that is there

Shining in your grey eyes.

But I think you see,

As well as do I,

That we now are the only two

Under the sky.

As we sit and we wait

And your hand touches mine,

My heart skips a beat

And proclaims "I am thine!"

Take me, my love,

Away from this place

Where all I need see

Is the love on your face.

But alas, my dear,

The light is too bright,

And you pull away

Back into the night.

And 'though never again

Will we walk the same streets,

I thank God ev'ry day

For making us meet.

My soul has been changed;

I'm not as I was

And I hope you know

I'm different because...

Because I had you

And you held onto me.

I am more now

Than ever I thought I could be.

You've changed me for good,

And now I must be

The one that you loved,

The true, honest me.

~ October 23, 2008 ~

I'll Be Home For Christmas

I'll be home for Christmas,
But only in my dreams.
For truly,
There is no Christmas -
Only broken homes and broken hearts.
Everywhere I see
Red and green,
Red for the blood and tears,
The pain and desperation I live;
Green for the envy,
The hatred and jealousy
That I feel,
When people murmur "Merry Christmas."
For I know theirs will be,
And mine will not.
So, truly,
I'll be home for Christmas
But only in my
Lost, miserable, insane, feverish dreams.

- December 18, 2007

Blissful Relief

The young woman smiled as she passed the old dance studio. So many memories! she thought. No, snap out of it, Maddy, she berated herself, turning to face the wind - away from the studio. This is business, sheer business. She slipped her frozen hands into her pockets, and immediately regretted it. Her fingers touched the cold metal of the tiny pistol in her pocket. Though it was carefully concealed, her heart pounded as she felt it, and, for a moment, she wondered if it was possible to run now. Fear, however, quickly overcame reason. She yanked her hand out of her pocket and moved swiftly through the dark alleys. The black night concealed her easily as she slunk from shadow to shadow like a miserable alley cat.

With every step, her confidence failed her. Yet the fear of his return caused her pace to quicken. She shivered, remembering his learing gaze as he shoved her on the airplane. He had been drunk, angry, and he'd just lost a fortune at the Vegas gaming tables. There was only one thought in his mind: revenge. He didn't care what he did or who he hurt in the process... he just wanted his money back.

And she had, once again, been at the wrong place at the wrong time. Who better to do the evil deed than the innocent fiancee? Thus, here she was, toting a gun and a guilty fear the size of Russia. He was a cruel man, and she knew if she did not fulfill her deadly commission, she would be next on his list - after he found some new place on her body that had not yet been purpled by his super-human hands.

She glanced around at the familiar setting unfolding before her. If she had only known! She had grown up here, she had been loved here, and now... she was about to kill someone in her very own hometown. As she came to the designated meeting place (where her unknowing victim would soon suffer an untimely demise), she stood stock still and waited. She could see hr breath in the night air, and her long, amber-colored hair flew about her pale skin.

It was not long before he turned the corner, and her hand flew to her mouth as she realized exactly who she had been ordered to demolish. "Alex?" she whispered. "My brother?"

"I'm supposed to meet someone here," he said, unknowingly, in a low, gruff voice.

"Yes," she whispered as she silently pulled the gun from it's hiding place. She set a frozen finger to the trigger and began to pull it towards her. Her hands shook, and she took a deep breath, preparing to shoot....

The gun clattered to the ground. Tears began to stream down her face, and she turned swiftly down the street. Her chest heaved, scalding pain tore through her unconditioned legs as she raced farther and farther away before collapsing in a heap on the pavement. A car horn blared, brakes screeched, and she looked up at the bright lights that blinded her. There was a flash of white, a whispered, "Thank you, God..." and all was black.

~ October 30, 2008