Christmas Cheer

Christmas
Joy to the world
God rest ye merry gentlemen...
God bless me, too.
Give me life
And peace of mind
And the courage to go on
Or the courage to give up.
Give me the strength to face each day,
Each aunt,
Each grandparent,
To face each fear.
Give me trust
Because, by golly,
Everyone that I used to love,
Trust,
Believe in...
They've left me high and dry.
No wonder I have no hope,
No wonder I have no choice.
I left it in Montandon,
I left it in West Milton...
He stole it away to Tennessee,
She took it to Delaware,
And now there's none left in Pennsylvania.
The only thing that's here
Is pain,
Doubt,
Fear,
And faithlessness.
People who hug me,
People who say they love me,
But they harbor runaways -
People who ran away with my heart.
And I hate it.
And at this time
When all is "merry and bright,"
I am simply dreary,
Weary of my plight.
And I ask again,
Why am I here?
Why do I live?
God, why do you torment me so
With endless heartbreaks,
Fears,
And lost hope.
So, I say to you all,
Merry Christmas,
Happy New Year,
May it be cheerful,
Colorful,
Hopeful,
Fun...
I pray I don't die
Of a broken heart
Before I get to see it.

~ December 26, 2007

A Plea

Hanging from the nearest tree
With a rope around my neck.
The rope is frayed...
I'm afraid it's soon going to snap.
I'm afraid to go,
But I'm afraid to stay.
There's so much I know,
So much I hate,
So much I fear,
And I wonder,
Truly, deeply wonder,
Is it too late?
Too late to live?
Too late to die?
Too late to be more
Than just another person
On this crowded earth;
Just another student trying to graduate.
Just another face,
Just another name...
Another someone to forget.
Don't forget!
Remember me!
I want to be more!
I want to be special!
There's still time...
Cut this rope from around my neck,
Let me down,
Let me live,
Let me be...
Let me be me.

~ December 7, 2007

A Sleepover

Silently she sits
In the big brown chair.
Her eyes are tired,
And wild is her hair.
She listens closely
To what the others say,
And only contributes a word or two,
Just waiting for day.
Another girl lays
Across the room
Talking about her life
And the horrible gloom
That was a friendship
For awhile,
But has since
Been torn apart by miles.
Her words seem to sink
Into the mind
Of yet another girl,
Who's heart is barely keeping time.
She glances back and forth
From brunette to blonde,
And her thoughts are racing
Despite attempts to be calm.
She tucks her bronze hair
Behind her small ear,
And her eyes focus
On the friends who are near.
But her thoughts are away,
Far away in the past,
And she's losing her concentration
Really, really fast.
She thinks of him,
And the pain he brought;
How he made her fear
And feel distraught.
A chill runs down
Her spine
As she catches a glance from her friend
And reads her mind.
They are together in this,
They both know the pain
That is caused in a life
By one man's selfish, dreadful gain.
And they know they will pray
For each other tonight,
They will pray that someday,
The wrong will be right.
Someday they'll look back,
And all will be well,
And they'll help others
Through their own personal hells.
'Til then, however,
On faith they rely
To help them get through
Whether they laugh or cry.
Their eyes meet again,
And are for a brief moment still.
They both know for sure,
Someday, recover they will.

~ December 30, 2008

To my dear Katie... you've already helped me. Love you, girl!

Old Friends

Late at night,
Or rather, early in the morning,
We're tucked in tight,
And we do the typical sleepover thing.
We play a game,
A round of fun,
And laugh and call names
'Til the night's almost done.
But when we settle down for sleep,
We whisper together
Secrets we'll keep
Forever and ever.
We talk of God,
Of things in our past,
That paths we've trod
And the lines we've cast.
We plan futures near,
And talk of boys
And other things dear,
How we're too old for toys
But too young to go away
To far New York, Pittsburgh, or even Philly near.
We plan the day
We'll come back here
And meet again.
We'll remember old times
As dearest friends,
Making rhymes
Without a reason why,
Singing songs,
Our laughter peeling high
Or low like deep gongs.

I'll love you guys,
And I'll miss you so,
But through life's lows and highs,
Apart we'll never grow.

~ December 30, 2008

To Sarah and Katie.